Initial Reactions

Typical initial reactions to victimization may include feeling on edge, denial of the event, being angry at everything, feeling fearful, or experiencing extreme loneliness, just to name a few. Some people will have a hard time believing they went through something so traumatizing, others will become angry and lash out, while some will process the event introspectively. There is no right way to feel or act after a traumatic event happens, and there is no wrong way either.

Most people’s initial reaction to victimization is a feeling of shock, or what mental health professionals call ‘emotional shock.’ Emotional shock, which is a part of the flight-fight-freeze response, is the brain’s way of dealing with an intense stressor where the brain is unable to process the situation and freezes itself to help protect the mind and body (Darcy, 2014). Symptoms of emotional shock can include numbness, inability to express emotions, difficulty with thinking or rationalizing, disassociation (disconnection from self), or the inability to speak or move (Gupta, 2023)⁸ . While it can be difficult to tell if you are in a state of emotional shock, the symptoms mentioned may show up as brain fog or lack of focus, feelings of depression or hopelessness, as well as physical symptoms such as stomachaches or headaches, or extreme exhaustion (Darcy, 2014). Emotional shock can be the reason some people go about their daily life after a traumatic event, reflecting how the brain has not allowed them to start processing what happened.

Another initial and very common reaction to victimization is sleep problems. This can show up as problems with insomnia, waking frequently during the night, or experiencing nightmares related to the event. For some, dreams become vivid reenactments of the trauma; for others, they’re anxiety-inducing, fragmented clips or thoughts of the event. The lack of restful sleep can further exacerbate other responses to trauma such as increased emotional distress, difficulties with coping skills, and can contribute to a decline in physical health. Specifically for insomnia, persistent insomnia after trauma can be linked to the later development of PTSD, depression, and chronic fatigue (Germain, 2013)⁹.

Unfortunately due to persistent stigma and victim blaming, other initial reactions may include trauma-related guilt shame, or self-blame. It’s not uncommon for survivors to second guess their decisions or actions leading up to the victimization with thoughts of what they “should have” or “should not have” done (Pugh et al., 2015)¹². This experience of repetitive self-blame and guilt, along with a persistent focus on the distressing event, may inhibit a survivor’s ability to move forward and lead to a cycle of rumination, further impacting their self-worth and sense of insecurity (Zahn et al., 2015). For other survivors, this trauma-related guilt may increase their anxiety and fear, resulting in the hypervigilance of their surroundings.

Once a person has experienced a victimization, it may be difficult for them to feel safe again with a study showing only 3 out of 10 people who have been victims of crime report feeling safe in their community after the event (Alliance for Safety and Justice)¹ . This lack of perceived safety can lead to an initial withdrawal after a victimization with the desire to avoid reminders of the event or avoid “putting on a brave face,” making survivors want to isolate from friends, family, and social situations (Khiron Clinics, 2020)¹⁰. While these feelings of guilt and self-blame for the victimization are common thoughts and beliefs that many survivors may have, the victimization is never the victim’s fault.

Short-Term Effects

Surviving a violent or life-altering event takes a toll on people mentally, physically, and emotionally. Survivors may experience short-term outcomes that may progress into clinically significant concerns. Others may experience a shift in the way they perceive the world around them, including difficulty trusting others, isolating from friends or family, or feeling uncomfortable and vulnerable in social settings. Ultimately, each person moves through trauma in their own timeline with a range of different short-term responses.

While stress is a common response to trauma and may gradually decrease over time, for some, the stress and emotions of the event may progress into a mental health condition known as Acute Stress Disorder (ASD). ASD is a mental health condition that can be diagnosed if symptoms present between 3 to 30 days after the trauma and lasts no more than six months. ASD may cause significant distress or impairment in multiple areas of life with symptoms that include intrusive thoughts, memories, flashbacks, or nightmares about the event, as well as being easily startled or on high alert, and feeling irritable and restless. Survivors may also experience the inability to feel positive emotions, feel detached from themselves (often referred to as dissociation), and may have the desire to avoid things like people, places, or reminders of event. ASD symptoms can decrease, increase, or stay the same based on the persons current situation or other traumatic events (American Psychiatric Association, 2022)².

Other short-term effects survivors may experience are changes in the way they relate to others including friends and family. When a person is victimized, especially for survivors of sexual violence where the victimization deprives a survivor control of their body, it’s understandable that relationships and interactions with people in their lives and the world around them change. For some people, these changes manifest as withdrawal or irritability in close relationships; for others, it appears as clinginess or a heightened and constant need for reassurance. They may feel less trust toward people, even those they knew before the trauma (Campbell & Wasco, 2005)⁴, and these changes to relationships can create strain and confusion for both members in the relationship, especially if the change is extreme. Many times, the survivor is not fully aware of the change in behavior and cannot vocalize why their behavior has changed, which can create more distance or conflict and some survivors may avoid romantic or sexual relationships altogether for a time (Campbell & Wasco, 2005)⁴.

Lastly, trauma doesn’t just affect the mind; it can take a toll on the body. Fatigue and exhaustion are common short-term reactions, as the stress response keeps the nervous system in a heightened state of alert. This hypervigilance places the body in “overdrive,” meaning the body is working overtime by continually scanning for potential threats and using significant energy to maintain a sense of safety. Additionally, it’s not uncommon for survivors to also report physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, muscle tension, dizziness, or digestive issues (Van der Kolk, 2014)¹⁵. These physical symptoms present because of the mind-body connection, where the body suffers and shows the pain the mind is going through. When a person is under enduring stress, the body releases stress hormones, called cortisol and adrenaline, which strain the body. This stress may also create tension in the body resulting in pain if it doesn’t get released (Van der Kolk, 2014)¹⁵.

Long-Term Effects

While some survivors gradually recover without major long-term effects, others will experience longer conditions with more chronic impacts. Some of these chronic issues may include posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression disorders, anxiety disorders, and substance use problems.
PTSD is diagnosed when a person experiences, witnesses, or learns of an event involving threatened death, serious injury, violence, or sexual assault, and research shows that about half of individuals with acute stress disorder go on to develop PTSD if left untreated (Bryant, 2011)³. Women are shown to be more likely to develop PTSD than men, and some risk factors for PTSD may include genetics, previous trauma, and lack of social support.

Symptoms of PTSD may present as intrusive memories or flashbacks, avoidance, negative mood changes, and hyperarousal; these symptoms may persist beyond one month and impair daily functioning (American Psychiatric Association, 2022)². Additionally, survivors may have a delayed onset of up to six months, and secondary survivors may suffer from the disorder as well.

Some survivors may have more narrowed long-term conditions like depression or anxiety, and many may use substances to help relieve symptoms, which can progress into a substance use disorder. 25-50% of women who have been diagnosed with PTSD following a sexual assault report self-medicating with alcohol and drugs (Lefkowitz, 2024)¹¹. Trauma-related depression is a reactive depression, meaning it occurs because of the trauma and may not have presented without the traumatic event happening. This is the same for trauma-related anxiety disorders like generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, or other more severe anxiety disorders like agoraphobia, an anxiety disorder which may lead to isolating in one’s home.

Coping and Recovery

Life after victimization will never be the same but that doesn’t mean things will never get better. Survivors may go through many stages of processing trauma and learning to live their life again. This is not an easy process, but research shows that for some the traumatic event may lead to a positive outcome and increased resilience (Dell’Osso et al., n.d.)⁶ . Accessing support can be a key factor in recovery. Many survivors turn to friends, family, faith communities, or specialized organizations such as the Victim Service Center. Professional help through trauma-informed therapists, advocates, or crisis hotlines can provide coping strategies, validation, and overall help through recovery. Peer support groups can also help survivors feel less isolated and can help to rebuild trust in others. Importantly, supportive responses from others are associated with reduced PTSD symptoms and better long-term outcomes (Ullman, 2016)¹⁴.

It’s also important to note that not all responses to trauma are negative, and in fact some survivors may find resolve in what researchers call post-traumatic growth (PTG), which is a positive psychological change that may occur as a result of the trauma. PTG is an outcome of trauma where survivors have a greater appreciation for life and their future, as well as an increased positive self-perception, better relationships, self-awareness, and self-confidence (Dell’Osso et al., n.d.)⁶. This phenomenon of PTG is linked to a greater resilience and feeling stronger for having survived the event, a shift of priorities and purpose, and increased empathy and compassion for other survivors.

Sexual assault and violent crimes leave lasting imprints on survivors, shaping their emotional, physical, and psychological well-being in more ways than one can imagine. It is difficult to accept and quite unfair that after being a victim of a violent crime or sexual assault, it is the survivors’ job to pick up the pieces of their life. While initial, short-term, and long-term reactions can vary, it is important to remember that every survivor’s experience is valid and deeply personal. The journey through trauma often involves painful phases of shock, guilt, depression, and disrupted relationships, but it can also lead to growth, strength, and resilience. The journey to healing and moving forward is one that takes a lot of effort, resilience, desire, and it does not follow a set timeline or path. After victimization, it may be hard to see a future where the pain subsides and life can go back to normal, especially when a person is in the early stages of processing. However, by breaking down myths, addressing stigma, and fostering supportive environments, we not only honor survivors’ experiences but also create space for recovery and sometimes even post-traumatic growth. That is why it is so important to seek help and support from resources like the Victim Service Center, mental health professionals, or friends and family. Trauma may change a survivor’s life; it does not have to define it.

References

¹ Alliance for Safety and Justice. (2024). Crime survivors speak: A national survey of victims’ views on safety and justice. https://asj.allianceforsafetyandjustice.org/crime-survivors-speak-2024/

² American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev)

³ Bryant, R. A. (2011). Acute stress disorder as a predictor of posttraumatic stress disorder: A systematic review. Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 72(2), 233–239. https://doi.org/10.4088/JCP.09r05072blu

⁴ Campbell, R., & Wasco, S. M. (2005). Understanding rape and sexual assault: 20 years of progress and future directions. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 20(1), 127–131. https://doi.org/10.1177/0886260504268604

⁵ (Darcy, 2014)

⁶ Dell’Osso L, Lorenzi P, Nardi B, Carmassi C, Carpita B. Post Traumatic Growth (PTG) in the Frame of Traumatic Experiences. Clin Neuropsychiatry. 2022 Dec;19(6):390-393. doi: 10.36131/cnfioritieditore20220606. PMID: 36627947; PMCID: PMC9807114.

⁷ García-Esteve, L., Torres-Giménez, A., Canto, M., Roca-Lecumberri, A., Roda, E., Velasco, E. R., Echevarría, T., Andero, R., & Subirà, S. (2021). Prevalence and risk factors for acute stress disorder in female victims of sexual assault. Psychiatry Research, 303, 114240. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychres.2021.114240

⁸ (Gupta, 2023) Identifying and Coping With Emotional Shock https://www.verywellmind.com/emotional-shock-definition-symptoms-causes-and-treatment-5214434

⁹ Germain, A. (2013). Sleep disturbances as the hallmark of PTSD: Where are we now? American Journal of Psychiatry, 170(4), 372–382. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ajp.2012.12040432

¹⁰ Khiron Clinics, (2020) The Subtle Effects of Trauma – Social Withdrawal https://khironclinics.com/blog/trauma-and-social-withdrawal/

¹¹ Lefkowitz, M. (2024). Sexual assault and drug use. EBSCO. Retrieved at https://www.ebsco.com/research-starters/health-and-medicine/sexual-assault-and-drug-use

¹² (Pugh et al., 2015) The role of guilt in the development of post-traumatic stress disorder: A systematic review. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25997098/

¹³ Thompson & Tapp, 2023. Criminal Victimization, 2022 Alexandra Thompson and Susannah N. Tapp, PhD, BJS Statisticians https://bjs.ojp.gov/document/cv22.pdf

¹⁴ Ullman, S. E. (2016). Social support and recovery from sexual assault: A review. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 31, 38–50. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.avb.2016.06.014

¹⁵ Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

This week on the Victim Service Center Podcast we are talking about Survivor to Thriver: How Victims of Sexual Violence Define Themselves.

On this episode Emilie Mitchell, VSC Education Coordinator, is joined by Gail Gardner, VSC Speaker’s Bureau Member and Author, and Brandi Godbee, VSC Lead Therapist.

You can listen to this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/9Ln5Tv6PR6I

You can also listen to our episode on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your Podcasts from!

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Trigger Warning: In this podcast we will be discussing sensitive topics such as Sexual Assault. It’s important to take care of yourself while listening. Some suggestions are listening while you’re in a healthy head space or knowing who you can reach out to if you become upset. Our 24/7 helpline for crisis calls based out of Central Florida is 407 500 HEAL. By contacting the National Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 you can get support and learn about your local resources. There is always someone ready to help.

November 11 is Veterans Day, a day in which we honor the brave men and women who have served our country through military service.

Every year, thousands of men and women across the country make the decision to join the military. There may be a multitude of reasons driving this decision. Many feel a calling to serve their country and be part of something larger than themselves. Others are motivated by the numerous opportunities afforded by the military, such as education benefits and job training. Some are drawn to the possibility of adventure – a way to see the world beyond the parameters of the communities where they grew up.

Regardless of the motivation to join, no one anticipates experiencing sexual trauma while serving our country.

Unfortunately, one in four women and one in one-hundred men report to their Veteran Affairs (VA) health care providers that they have experienced military sexual trauma.

Military Sexual Trauma (MST) is a term used by the VA to refer to sexual assault or threatening sexual harassment that occurred while someone was serving our country. In the Central Florida area alone, there are nearly 4,000 men and women who have reported MST to their VA healthcare providers. We also know that there are many others who have not yet come forward.

MST can affect one’s physical and mental health for years afterwards. Common effects include unwanted memories, distress related to reminders of the trauma, anxiety, depression, a sense of always being “on guard,” difficulties with trusting others, and problems in relationships.

Fortunately, people can recover from experiences of MST. The VA is committed to ensuring that veterans who are survivors of MST have access to the help they need to recover.

Treatment for physical and mental health conditions related to MST is available at every VA facility and provided at no-cost. Veterans may be able to receive these services even if they are not eligible for other VA services. They do no need to be service connected or receive VA disability compensation. Also, it does not matter how much time has passed since the trauma or whether they reported the trauma to authorities (as the VA recognizes that many individuals do not report sexual trauma).

For more information, veterans can speak with their existing VA health care provider or present to the enrollment department at the nearest VA facility to start the process of getting connected to services. In addition, each VA Medical Center has a designated MST Coordinator who can provide information on MST related services and help veterans get connected.

I am happy to serve as MST Coordinator for the Orlando VA Medical Center and surrounding outpatient clinics, including facilities at Lake Nona, Lake Baldwin, Crossroads, Clermont, Deltona, Kissimmee, Tavares, Viera, and Daytona. I can be reached at 407-646-5500, extension 28442.

Veterans can also learn more about VA’s MST-related services online at www.mentalhealth.va.gov/msthome.asp

If you served our country and are a survivor of MST, please understand that you are not alone. We understand that it can be difficult to reach out for help. When you are ready, the VA is committed to help you in your journey of recovery.

Ashley Arens, Ph.D., ABPP

Clinical Psychologist

In 1996, the Board of County Commissioners agreed that a portion of the jails’ proceeds needed to be allocated to recovery services for crime survivors in the community and decided to allocate the funding from payphones in the jail to create a support agency. Commissioner Mary Johnson helped lead the charge for victims’ rights and the need for community services. By 1999 the Victim Service Center had opened its doors in the heart of downtown Orlando and was ready to help victims on their journey to healing.

In 2001, the Victim Service Center was incorporated as a nonprofit organization and became Victim Service Center of Orange County, Inc. That same year we opened the Sexual Assault Treatment Center (SATC), providing forensic examinations and medical intervention to sexual assault survivors. VSC ultimately became the only certified rape crisis program in Orange County through the Florida Council Against Sexual Violence (FCASV) just four years later in 2005.

2012 was a big year for for VSC; we became the Victim Service Center of Central Florida, Inc., moved to our current home on Michigan Street, and expanded to Osceola County offering all of our same services out of the Care Center. We also expanded our client offerings to include a full-time in-house therapy program to help clients dive deeper into their healing.

In the summer of 2014, VSC developed partnerships with the local detention centers in Orange and Osceola County to provide inmates with access to VSC’s sexual assault helpline directly. This effort assisted the detention centers in meeting the Prison Rape elimination Act requirements and allowed inmates who have experienced sexual assault while in detention the opportunity to speak with experienced Victim Advocates trained in the area of sexual violence and crisis intervention. In January 2015, VSC was contracted to provide in-person Sexual Trauma Services at the Orange County Detention Center. Services include Education and Awareness groups as well as individual and group Therapy aimed to assist female inmates with addressing emotional issues resulting from sexual trauma.  The program offers the opportunity for the participants to identify and replace dysfunctional coping patterns with appropriate coping skills, which is essential for long-term change and recovery to occur.

In 2016, we proudly expanded with a third office in Longwood to serve Seminole County, further extending our reach and providing services to more victims in need.

In order to keep up with our growth we actively began  fundraising to enhance our opportunities as a center with our first event at the Orlando Science Center in 2007 and later moved to the Mennello Museum of Art where we officially launched our signature event, Cheers to Change. [Some might remember our Executive Director, Lui, hanging signs off the edge of the museum.] Now five years later, Cheers to Change has grown into a highly anticipated 400+ person event, which is in large part due to our loyal and generous supporters who came out to make a difference in the lives of victims in our community.  Thank you for always making joining us at Cheers to Change a priority year after year.

Outreach and prevention has always been part of our work, but in 2015 we officially launched an education training program. We offer training’s on bullying as well as sexual harassment and assault to organizations and businesses. Our anti-bullying youth focused trainings cover the understanding that while it is never okay to bully another individual often times the bully is also being bullied. Our educators discuss how to stand up and be an active bystander for someone in these situations with direct, distract, and delegation options. Recently, we have been having a lot of conversation around our healthy relationship trainings, which can be adapted for any age where the conversation revolves around boundaries, trust, and consent.

With such a strong seventeen year history you might ask what could be next for VSC? While we have grown as an organization, there is still so much work to be done to help victims and spread the message of prevention. Nationally, according to RAINN, every 98 seconds another individual experiences sexual assault, and out of those, two out of three will go unreported. It is our responsibility as an organization, and as a community to help bring healing to those individuals by letting them know it is safe to seek help. With your help we can continue to bring healing to those who need it most.

I would say that before starting this treatment it is essential to have your mental health in control. In my case, it took a few months before I started the EMDR therapy since it was a priority to stabilize my depression.

EMDR was presented to me as the best alternative to approach my case. Before my therapist mentioned it, I had no idea what it was. After a quick search on the internet, I discovered that EMDR is a form of therapy that involves only the patient, his thoughts, and the therapist as a guide. My first thought was that maybe I would have to speak about the traumatizing experience openly, and that made me scared but that was not the case. Later on, I came to understand that it is more of an exercise of self-reflection. In the beginning, I was skeptical since I am very self-aware of my thoughts and I highly doubted that it would work for me.

The first therapy was an interesting experience but it made me feel like something was missing or that maybe I had done something wrong. I was incredibly alert of my thoughts as my therapist started on the first phase. It consisted of imagining three different things; first a container, something to retain your thoughts in the form of any physical object. Then, you have to imagine a safe place where you can mentally visit if you become overwhelmed; and lastly, a safe word in case you start feeling like you cannot handle the memory processing. Basically the therapist pitches a prompt and you have to envision the scenario as you listen to binaural music. When I finished my first session I felt a little concerned and afraid since I wasn’t able to feel what I was asked for, my brain wasn’t envisioning anything at all, just pitch black (because closing my eyes helped) and the sound of my thoughts.

By the time I got home, I realized the drive home was as important as the session itself as I had been able to finish ruminating on the memories. I started to think that maybe this was a result of the therapy but I was still unconvinced on the method after not being able to envision anything that I was prompted to imagine during the session. During the second EMDR session, things went a lot easier and I started to get the hang of it, the key was in letting go of the fear of judgment and insecurity. The best thing I did was be open with myself because, in reality, I was literally having a mental conversation with myself. The therapist gives you a prompt, you sit on it for a while, and then you report on how you feel. You can describe how you feel in any way you want, there is no specific way to express your thoughts. Once you become comfortable with the process is when your brain gets up to speed with the process until finally your thoughts are just come out like a stream. When you reach the comfort zone, there is no concern about doing anything wrong because you already know the ecosystem you have created and now you inhabit it within yourself, in your conscience.

As I progressed in the sessions I started unveiling the real reason why I was going to therapy. The more I recalled events, the more it made me afraid to come back to therapy. It is not an easy task to recall these memories, but trust me when I say that it is worth it to finish the treatment. I personally believe that it is healthier to cover a wound that has been opened because later on, it could get worse. The good thing about this therapy is that it is not going to get worse, it gets better and you actually start seeing the effects in each day that passes. In my case, by the third session, I was already noticing positive changes in my personal life, unconscious behavior, and thoughts.

I know that you are reading this from an outsider’s point of view of course. However, EMDR has proven to me that it is a very powerful healing device for traumatic experiences and I want to share my great experience with others. Most of the effects are developed by the subconscious and most of the results do not happen during the therapy. They happen later on when you are not focused on seeing the effects. The hardest part is the remembrance. Towards the end of the therapy, the perspective on the memories changed drastically for me. At the beginning of the treatment I felt like I was reliving the events and in some cases I had to visit the safe place I had established in the beginning. However, at the end of the treatment it felt like I was so distant from the memory that I could only describe it as seeing it on a screen that was far away from me, I felt disconnected from it. By that time my feelings, thoughts, and anxiety had been sorted. I felt the relief of the things that were controlling me subconsciously such as drastic humor changes, un-rational insecurities, fears, and most importantly the hidden sorrow that I dragged with me for so many years.

I am glad I concluded the process all the way through. I even waited some time to see if the effects would last or if it was something temporary. I can say with full satisfaction about this treatment that I would totally recommend giving EMDR a try. There are no implications, it is very simple and safe, there is no pressure to face remembrance since you work at your own pace, and most importantly it provides you with techniques that are applicable to all situations in life. This way of processing memories changed my life, and there is no exaggeration to what I just said, it did change me for good. It was truly beneficial to me and I am pretty sure that the first step to getting into it is all about encouragement. Trust me there is nothing to lose, from the moment you begin, things only get better. Even if you decide to stop because it does not convince you. However, go all the way through with the processing and you will get yourself an incredible life-changing experience.

Hi, I’m JoAnn, a silent victim. My husband was a victim of an attempted murder at his place of employment by a disgruntle ex-coworker who ended up stabbing him in his head with a pair of scissors.  During his outpatient therapies, his speech therapist asked me if I was taking care of myself and talking to anyone because I am also a victim.  She handed me a card to VSC, Victim Service Center of Central Florida.

I called immediately and was able to come in, fill out their information sheet and just a couple weeks later I was meeting with both an Advocate and Therapist, who I still see today even though the attack on my husband happened on Jan 1, 2016.

When I first came to VSC, I was so overwhelmed with emotions. Waking up that morning to a phone call telling me there was an incident between my husband and his attacker and he’d been taken to the hospital, only later to discover he had been stabbed in the head with a pair of scissors, with only a 50/50 chance of survival.  As the days went on, watching him in a coma not knowing if when he woke up if he would remember me or what disabilities he might have.  When he did awake and knew who I was, our next hurdle was relearning how to walk, speak, write, read, which correct utensils to use while eating.  Watching a grown man, anyone you love having to relearn these basic developmental skills like they were a child, is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to watch.  My emotions were everywhere!  From happy he was alive, to heartbroken watching him try to read a book like See Spot Run, to anger at the man who did this.  I felt ALONE……

VSC has been a life saver for me. My Advocate was able to help me with the criminal trial for my husband’s attacker.  She was a huge help guiding me in the direction I wanted to go with my Victim Impact Statement.  I wanted to keep it professional yet get my word across to the judge explaining how this act of violence had affected me just as much as my husband.  Luckily, my Advocate was able to attend the trial which helped more when it came to time to read my statement at the sentencing and being there for the support I needed to get through this.

I also see a therapist at VSC, continues to help me today with coping and teaching me ways to work through the stress and anxiety of “my new normal” as I like to call it. I’m able to control the anger I have towards the person who changed not only my husband’s life, but my life!   Because of VSC, I no longer feel alone.  I know that if I’m having a bad day and need someone to talk to, I can call the 24/7 hour hotline, 407-500-HEAL, and there will be someone there to just listen and to let me know however I am feeling in that moment is okay and tomorrow is a new day.

The donations VSC receives to provide professional care and help to victims and their families is so important, because I honestly do not know if I could be as strong as I’ve become for myself and my husband without their help.

With holiday gatherings right around the corner, many people may find that their expectations for a good time as well as their anxiety regarding the people, places, and topics that may or may not present themselves can seemingly cripple a person’s ability to enjoy what are supposed to be the merriest times of the year. Holiday gatherings aren’t always what we hope they will be, whether they are work functions, family celebrations, or spontaneous get-togethers with old hometown friends. When dealing with a situation that you feel may trigger your memories of a sexual victimization, it’s important to give yourself permission to do what you need to do to take care of yourself. In some situations this may mean arriving with a prepared excuse in hand for when you are ready to leave, and it may mean declining an invitation altogether. Below are some tips to help you take full advantage of the holiday gatherings you will be invited to attend, while maintaining your boundaries and continuing to take care of yourself first.

1. Prepare for opportunities, for example if there is a family member you rarely see that you would like to speak to, make a plan for when may be a good time to pull the person aside and what you might want to say.
2. Similarly, prepare for deficits. For example, if there is a specific family member who may or may not be there who has been known to act in a way that makes you uncomfortable, prepare multiple tools to take care of yourself.
3. If you are attending a gathering that you are unsure of how you will react to the people or even the place, prepare a specific and simple excuse to use if you become uncomfortable and wish to leave early. Give yourself permission to use it.
4. Set an alarm or two on your phone as a reminder to check in on yourself and take a breather from the festivities. This can be as simple as going to the bathroom. Splash some cold water on your face, or your wrists, or the back of your neck.
5. Ask a close friend to text you at a specific time to check in on you and give you an exit strategy if you need it.
6. Carry a small interesting tactile object like a stone or a penny to use as a grounding object.
7. Carry a travel sized lotion or essential oil of a calming scent such as lavender that you can dab on your wrists to center yourself.
8. If you start to feel overwhelmed at a gathering, go outside for some fresh air.

While the holidays are about giving, they are still a time when it remains of the utmost importance to take care of you. Listen to your mind and your body-you know what you need. All you need to do is to acknowledge your value and give yourself permission to put yourself first.