Initial Reactions

Typical initial reactions to victimization may include feeling on edge, denial of the event, being angry at everything, feeling fearful, or experiencing extreme loneliness, just to name a few. Some people will have a hard time believing they went through something so traumatizing, others will become angry and lash out, while some will process the event introspectively. There is no right way to feel or act after a traumatic event happens, and there is no wrong way either.

Most people’s initial reaction to victimization is a feeling of shock, or what mental health professionals call ‘emotional shock.’ Emotional shock, which is a part of the flight-fight-freeze response, is the brain’s way of dealing with an intense stressor where the brain is unable to process the situation and freezes itself to help protect the mind and body (Darcy, 2014). Symptoms of emotional shock can include numbness, inability to express emotions, difficulty with thinking or rationalizing, disassociation (disconnection from self), or the inability to speak or move (Gupta, 2023)⁸ . While it can be difficult to tell if you are in a state of emotional shock, the symptoms mentioned may show up as brain fog or lack of focus, feelings of depression or hopelessness, as well as physical symptoms such as stomachaches or headaches, or extreme exhaustion (Darcy, 2014). Emotional shock can be the reason some people go about their daily life after a traumatic event, reflecting how the brain has not allowed them to start processing what happened.

Another initial and very common reaction to victimization is sleep problems. This can show up as problems with insomnia, waking frequently during the night, or experiencing nightmares related to the event. For some, dreams become vivid reenactments of the trauma; for others, they’re anxiety-inducing, fragmented clips or thoughts of the event. The lack of restful sleep can further exacerbate other responses to trauma such as increased emotional distress, difficulties with coping skills, and can contribute to a decline in physical health. Specifically for insomnia, persistent insomnia after trauma can be linked to the later development of PTSD, depression, and chronic fatigue (Germain, 2013)⁹.

Unfortunately due to persistent stigma and victim blaming, other initial reactions may include trauma-related guilt shame, or self-blame. It’s not uncommon for survivors to second guess their decisions or actions leading up to the victimization with thoughts of what they “should have” or “should not have” done (Pugh et al., 2015)¹². This experience of repetitive self-blame and guilt, along with a persistent focus on the distressing event, may inhibit a survivor’s ability to move forward and lead to a cycle of rumination, further impacting their self-worth and sense of insecurity (Zahn et al., 2015). For other survivors, this trauma-related guilt may increase their anxiety and fear, resulting in the hypervigilance of their surroundings.

Once a person has experienced a victimization, it may be difficult for them to feel safe again with a study showing only 3 out of 10 people who have been victims of crime report feeling safe in their community after the event (Alliance for Safety and Justice)¹ . This lack of perceived safety can lead to an initial withdrawal after a victimization with the desire to avoid reminders of the event or avoid “putting on a brave face,” making survivors want to isolate from friends, family, and social situations (Khiron Clinics, 2020)¹⁰. While these feelings of guilt and self-blame for the victimization are common thoughts and beliefs that many survivors may have, the victimization is never the victim’s fault.

Short-Term Effects

Surviving a violent or life-altering event takes a toll on people mentally, physically, and emotionally. Survivors may experience short-term outcomes that may progress into clinically significant concerns. Others may experience a shift in the way they perceive the world around them, including difficulty trusting others, isolating from friends or family, or feeling uncomfortable and vulnerable in social settings. Ultimately, each person moves through trauma in their own timeline with a range of different short-term responses.

While stress is a common response to trauma and may gradually decrease over time, for some, the stress and emotions of the event may progress into a mental health condition known as Acute Stress Disorder (ASD). ASD is a mental health condition that can be diagnosed if symptoms present between 3 to 30 days after the trauma and lasts no more than six months. ASD may cause significant distress or impairment in multiple areas of life with symptoms that include intrusive thoughts, memories, flashbacks, or nightmares about the event, as well as being easily startled or on high alert, and feeling irritable and restless. Survivors may also experience the inability to feel positive emotions, feel detached from themselves (often referred to as dissociation), and may have the desire to avoid things like people, places, or reminders of event. ASD symptoms can decrease, increase, or stay the same based on the persons current situation or other traumatic events (American Psychiatric Association, 2022)².

Other short-term effects survivors may experience are changes in the way they relate to others including friends and family. When a person is victimized, especially for survivors of sexual violence where the victimization deprives a survivor control of their body, it’s understandable that relationships and interactions with people in their lives and the world around them change. For some people, these changes manifest as withdrawal or irritability in close relationships; for others, it appears as clinginess or a heightened and constant need for reassurance. They may feel less trust toward people, even those they knew before the trauma (Campbell & Wasco, 2005)⁴, and these changes to relationships can create strain and confusion for both members in the relationship, especially if the change is extreme. Many times, the survivor is not fully aware of the change in behavior and cannot vocalize why their behavior has changed, which can create more distance or conflict and some survivors may avoid romantic or sexual relationships altogether for a time (Campbell & Wasco, 2005)⁴.

Lastly, trauma doesn’t just affect the mind; it can take a toll on the body. Fatigue and exhaustion are common short-term reactions, as the stress response keeps the nervous system in a heightened state of alert. This hypervigilance places the body in “overdrive,” meaning the body is working overtime by continually scanning for potential threats and using significant energy to maintain a sense of safety. Additionally, it’s not uncommon for survivors to also report physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, muscle tension, dizziness, or digestive issues (Van der Kolk, 2014)¹⁵. These physical symptoms present because of the mind-body connection, where the body suffers and shows the pain the mind is going through. When a person is under enduring stress, the body releases stress hormones, called cortisol and adrenaline, which strain the body. This stress may also create tension in the body resulting in pain if it doesn’t get released (Van der Kolk, 2014)¹⁵.

Long-Term Effects

While some survivors gradually recover without major long-term effects, others will experience longer conditions with more chronic impacts. Some of these chronic issues may include posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression disorders, anxiety disorders, and substance use problems.
PTSD is diagnosed when a person experiences, witnesses, or learns of an event involving threatened death, serious injury, violence, or sexual assault, and research shows that about half of individuals with acute stress disorder go on to develop PTSD if left untreated (Bryant, 2011)³. Women are shown to be more likely to develop PTSD than men, and some risk factors for PTSD may include genetics, previous trauma, and lack of social support.

Symptoms of PTSD may present as intrusive memories or flashbacks, avoidance, negative mood changes, and hyperarousal; these symptoms may persist beyond one month and impair daily functioning (American Psychiatric Association, 2022)². Additionally, survivors may have a delayed onset of up to six months, and secondary survivors may suffer from the disorder as well.

Some survivors may have more narrowed long-term conditions like depression or anxiety, and many may use substances to help relieve symptoms, which can progress into a substance use disorder. 25-50% of women who have been diagnosed with PTSD following a sexual assault report self-medicating with alcohol and drugs (Lefkowitz, 2024)¹¹. Trauma-related depression is a reactive depression, meaning it occurs because of the trauma and may not have presented without the traumatic event happening. This is the same for trauma-related anxiety disorders like generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, or other more severe anxiety disorders like agoraphobia, an anxiety disorder which may lead to isolating in one’s home.

Coping and Recovery

Life after victimization will never be the same but that doesn’t mean things will never get better. Survivors may go through many stages of processing trauma and learning to live their life again. This is not an easy process, but research shows that for some the traumatic event may lead to a positive outcome and increased resilience (Dell’Osso et al., n.d.)⁶ . Accessing support can be a key factor in recovery. Many survivors turn to friends, family, faith communities, or specialized organizations such as the Victim Service Center. Professional help through trauma-informed therapists, advocates, or crisis hotlines can provide coping strategies, validation, and overall help through recovery. Peer support groups can also help survivors feel less isolated and can help to rebuild trust in others. Importantly, supportive responses from others are associated with reduced PTSD symptoms and better long-term outcomes (Ullman, 2016)¹⁴.

It’s also important to note that not all responses to trauma are negative, and in fact some survivors may find resolve in what researchers call post-traumatic growth (PTG), which is a positive psychological change that may occur as a result of the trauma. PTG is an outcome of trauma where survivors have a greater appreciation for life and their future, as well as an increased positive self-perception, better relationships, self-awareness, and self-confidence (Dell’Osso et al., n.d.)⁶. This phenomenon of PTG is linked to a greater resilience and feeling stronger for having survived the event, a shift of priorities and purpose, and increased empathy and compassion for other survivors.

Sexual assault and violent crimes leave lasting imprints on survivors, shaping their emotional, physical, and psychological well-being in more ways than one can imagine. It is difficult to accept and quite unfair that after being a victim of a violent crime or sexual assault, it is the survivors’ job to pick up the pieces of their life. While initial, short-term, and long-term reactions can vary, it is important to remember that every survivor’s experience is valid and deeply personal. The journey through trauma often involves painful phases of shock, guilt, depression, and disrupted relationships, but it can also lead to growth, strength, and resilience. The journey to healing and moving forward is one that takes a lot of effort, resilience, desire, and it does not follow a set timeline or path. After victimization, it may be hard to see a future where the pain subsides and life can go back to normal, especially when a person is in the early stages of processing. However, by breaking down myths, addressing stigma, and fostering supportive environments, we not only honor survivors’ experiences but also create space for recovery and sometimes even post-traumatic growth. That is why it is so important to seek help and support from resources like the Victim Service Center, mental health professionals, or friends and family. Trauma may change a survivor’s life; it does not have to define it.

References

¹ Alliance for Safety and Justice. (2024). Crime survivors speak: A national survey of victims’ views on safety and justice. https://asj.allianceforsafetyandjustice.org/crime-survivors-speak-2024/

² American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev)

³ Bryant, R. A. (2011). Acute stress disorder as a predictor of posttraumatic stress disorder: A systematic review. Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 72(2), 233–239. https://doi.org/10.4088/JCP.09r05072blu

⁴ Campbell, R., & Wasco, S. M. (2005). Understanding rape and sexual assault: 20 years of progress and future directions. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 20(1), 127–131. https://doi.org/10.1177/0886260504268604

⁵ (Darcy, 2014)

⁶ Dell’Osso L, Lorenzi P, Nardi B, Carmassi C, Carpita B. Post Traumatic Growth (PTG) in the Frame of Traumatic Experiences. Clin Neuropsychiatry. 2022 Dec;19(6):390-393. doi: 10.36131/cnfioritieditore20220606. PMID: 36627947; PMCID: PMC9807114.

⁷ García-Esteve, L., Torres-Giménez, A., Canto, M., Roca-Lecumberri, A., Roda, E., Velasco, E. R., Echevarría, T., Andero, R., & Subirà, S. (2021). Prevalence and risk factors for acute stress disorder in female victims of sexual assault. Psychiatry Research, 303, 114240. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychres.2021.114240

⁸ (Gupta, 2023) Identifying and Coping With Emotional Shock https://www.verywellmind.com/emotional-shock-definition-symptoms-causes-and-treatment-5214434

⁹ Germain, A. (2013). Sleep disturbances as the hallmark of PTSD: Where are we now? American Journal of Psychiatry, 170(4), 372–382. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ajp.2012.12040432

¹⁰ Khiron Clinics, (2020) The Subtle Effects of Trauma – Social Withdrawal https://khironclinics.com/blog/trauma-and-social-withdrawal/

¹¹ Lefkowitz, M. (2024). Sexual assault and drug use. EBSCO. Retrieved at https://www.ebsco.com/research-starters/health-and-medicine/sexual-assault-and-drug-use

¹² (Pugh et al., 2015) The role of guilt in the development of post-traumatic stress disorder: A systematic review. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25997098/

¹³ Thompson & Tapp, 2023. Criminal Victimization, 2022 Alexandra Thompson and Susannah N. Tapp, PhD, BJS Statisticians https://bjs.ojp.gov/document/cv22.pdf

¹⁴ Ullman, S. E. (2016). Social support and recovery from sexual assault: A review. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 31, 38–50. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.avb.2016.06.014

¹⁵ Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

Throughout the country, sexual assault remains a highly prevalent crime with an American sexually assaulted every 68 seconds¹. At the outset of the use of sexual assault collection kits in the U.S. in the late 1970’s, the recommended protocols stated that DNA evidence should only be collected up to 72 hours, or 3 days following the sexual assault. However, with advances in DNA analysis techniques, improved sensitivity of instrumentation, continued DNA research and dedication by forensic biologists nationwide, the recommended collection interval has been extended as of 2016. In ‘Recommendations for Efficient DNA Processing of Sexual Assault Evidence Kits in a Laboratory’, the Scientific Working Group on DNA Analysis Methods (SWGDAM) now recommends collection of vaginal samples up to 5 days (120 hours) post-assault rather than 3 days.² These guidelines also recognize that ‘there may be potential to extend the time frame to nine days post vaginal assault’² due to technological advancements and research findings.

Some of this supporting research has been conducted by one of our own VSC volunteers, Dr. Erin Hanson (PhD), a Research Associate Professor at the National Center for Forensic Science (NCFS) at the University of Central Florida (UCF). Dr. Hanson, along with her colleague Dr. Jack Ballantyne UCF Professor and NCFS Associate Director for Research, work towards developing new strategies to improve DNA profile recovery from challenging and late reported sexual assault evidence. They have found evidence of improved male DNA profile recovery for collections ranging from 6-9 days post assault³. This was done through the use of an additional DNA amplification step that targets DNA only on the Y-chromosome. This step has proved helpful due to the fact that the DNA collected from most vaginal forensic examinations contains an overwhelming amount of female DNA in relation to the small amount of male DNA that may be present.

As can be seen in the infographic below, collection time intervals vary by state with a majority of states implementing the recommended collection interval of up to 5 days post-assault (shown in purple). It is highly encouraging to see several states being proactive in response to sexual assaults and increasing their collection intervals beyond the 5 days. With continued improvements in DNA technology and more research demonstrating the ability to obtain DNA profiles in later reported sexual assault evidence, we hope to see an increase in the number of states using these extended intervals. These intervals are believed to be the most up-to-date protocols provided by each state as of 2022 and are typically found in the guideline and protocol handbooks used by sexual assault nurse examiners for forensic examinations. The sites to all of the sources for each state are linked below. Some states had contradicting information that listed multiple recommended intervals in which case the most recent source was used. Additionally, some states differentiated the collection time intervals between pre-pubescent, adolescent, and adult victims, while others provided a range of time. These differences are indicated in the legend to the right of the infographic. (Note: this infographic list time intervals specifically for collection of evidence from vaginal assaults; SWGDAM recommended intervals are 3 days and 1 day post-assault for anal and oral collections, respectively.)

Overall, it is important for a sexual assault kit to be collected by a trained sexual assault nurse examiner (SANE) as soon as possible following a possible sexual assault. This is because DNA from the perpetrator gradually degrades and reduces the forensic analyst’s ability to obtain a DNA profile. The probability of obtaining a distinct profile can also be hindered by a variety of activities (i.e. eating, drinking, showering, sexual activity, urinating, etc…).⁴ However, if a victim reports an assault and consents to having a sexual assault evidence collection kit done within the recommended interval, it should still be performed regardless of these activities as they do not eliminate the possibility of obtaining DNA evidence. Prior to any forensic examination, victims should be informed of all of their rights as well entirely what the examination will entail and be made to feel as comfortable as possible during this procedure that some find very invasive and triggering. Patients can take breaks and be allowed to stop the exam at any point if they are uncomfortable and/or change their mind about having a forensic examination done. More information about the sexual assault examination process can be found at https://www.rainn.org/articles/rape-kit.

Sources by State:

Sources

1. www.rainn.org/about-sexual-assault
2. Scientific Working Group on DNA Analysis Methods. Recommendations for the Efficient DNA Processing of Sexual Assault Evidence Kits. https://www.swgdam.org/_files/ugd/4344b0_4daf2bb5512b4e2582f895c4a133a0ed.pdf
3. Hanson, E.K.; Ballantyne, J. A Y-short tandem repeat specific DNA enhancement strategy to aid the analysis of late reported (≥6 days) sexual assault cases. Medicine, Science and the Law. 2014, 54(4), pp. 209-218.
4. https://www.rainn.org/articles/rape-kit

Trigger Warning: This blog discusses sensitive topics such as sexual assault. It’s important to take care of yourself while reading. Some suggestions are reading while you’re in a healthy headspace or knowing who you can reach out to if you become upset. Our 24/7 Helpline for crisis calls based out of Central Florida is 407-500-HEAL (4325). To get additional support and/or learn about your local resources, the National Hotline can be contacted at 1-800-656-4673.

There is always someone ready to help.

“I perfectly remember the day my mind completely unlocked everything. I was on the bus with a friend, and he began to tell me how in his class they were doing some speeches and one of his classmates told him she was a victim of sexual violence. At that moment I was shocked, and I kept asking my friend how he started telling it, what she said, and repeated the same questions while my mind only wondered how she could tell it to an entire room, and I didn’t even tell it to myself. I can tell myself.

We arrived at his house, and we kept talking about it. At one point I told him it’s crazy how it happens to the people you least expect. There was a silence and he asked me, “Has it happened to you?” My eyes just watered, and I said yes. After that day my mind couldn’t block those memories again. In my mind I only imagined myself telling my parents, but it was something I really couldn’t do; until one day I just had a very big impulse in my heart and there was something that told me to grab my phone and record a video telling my story. I had that video saved for a week because I didn’t have the courage to do it.

One morning I just posted it. Yes, I thought of my parents and my whole family. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy for them, mostly if they were going to hear it from an Instagram video. But only those who have been through this understand that talking about it is not that easy, and even less so with the people who love you not because you don’t trust them, but because you don’t want to see the pain in their eyes. It was the only way I felt comfortable telling my story and I had to put myself first. It is my story and I decide how to tell it, there is no right way or place to do it. I only decide on it and as long as I felt comfortable, it was the only thing I needed. I never imagined that so many people would write to me privately thanking me for that video, that thanks to my video they didn’t feel alone, people told me about their stories for the first time and the most beautiful thing was when they told me that thanks to my video, they gained the motivation to tell their story for the first time.

From that day on, I felt like I was shouting to the world what had happened to me, that for the first time I was heard, and I had the support that I would have liked to have at the time that everything was happening. I never talked about it because I was a child and I didn’t understand what was happening to me, I was just too innocent. I knew that what was happening was not normal, but between emotions of fear and confusion, I preferred to remain silent. I grew up and understood, but my mind preferred to block it. Thanks to the girl who told her story in my friend’s class I told mine.

My whole life changed completely. Even though I told my story and was able to lift a weight that I had been carrying alone for a long time, I realized that there were still many things that I had to heal. I decided to go to the psychologist and help myself. As Chanel Miller says in her book Know my name “The journey will be longer than you imagined, the trauma will find you again and again. Don’t become the ones who hurt you. Stay tender with your power. Never fight to hurt, fight to rise. Fight because you know that in this life you deserve security, joy, and freedom. Fight because it is your life. Not from anyone else. I did it, I’m here.” (Miller 332). It was a long and difficult process. I had a lot of emotions and anxiety was like my best friend. But little by little I felt stronger. I no longer felt so lost, I stopped doing things that at some point I thought fulfilled me and started doing things that really did. I was filled with dreams; I wanted to learn more about the issue of sexual violence. At some point in my life I found an organization that supports survivors of sexual abuse and I decided that I wanted to be a motivational speaker not only to tell my story but to educate people of sexual violence that happens more than we think, and above all to let people who have gone through this know that they are not alone and that there is a way to heal. Thanks to this situation I wanted to get closer to God, he was the one who really helped me heal and forgive, to understand that what happened to me does not define who I am. I understood that my purpose in this life is to help people see that there is a way out of this deep dark hole and that life is much more beautiful than we think. Every story is different, and every process is different, but it’s still just as important. It’s something that will always be there, but with the right tools, you learn to live with it. As I always say, even though they invaded the most precious thing “Your body and Soul”, they did not manage to steal your essence.”

If you or a loved one have experienced sexual violence, you can call our 24/7 Crisis Line 407-500-HEAL (4325) for immediate crisis intervention, or call our main line 407-254-9415 to set up an appointment for services.

“Being a survivor is about learning to cope. I am a survivor because I am still here. It is hard to be a survivor. I put so much effort into it and people. You need to have some sort of passion in life. I have a passion to live.”  ~ Ally, a survivor

As described on ecpact.org, Ally was sexually exploited by a man she met online in Canada. At that time, she was struggling with family issues and her identity. Like many teenagers, she looked for support and attention online. She met a man online that gave her the attention she craved. Eventually, they met in person, and he sexually assaulted her. He blackmailed her to keep her silence. The shame of the secret led to depression which led her to abuse drugs.  Ally is just one instance of online grooming. Ecpat.org

What is grooming?

Grooming is an intentional act of an adult to befriend a child, establish an emotional connection and find a child’s insecurities. The perpetrator uses grooming tactics such as attention, validation, unconditional regard to build a child’s trust and create opportunities to perpetrate abuse. Predators have weaved their way into the online universe by contacting children through video game chats as another child or a respectable adult. They offer support and validation that is missing in that child’s life.

According to Childnet.com, online grooming consists of social media, video games, and private chats. Predators use fake accounts, names, and photos to befriend the child. They appear as another child, modeling agent, a scout, sports coach, or famous influencer that pretend to have the same interests to build trust and establish a friendship. Online predators are indifferent to race, ethnicity, or gender- any child is in danger. Some children may be more susceptible due to other vulnerabilities such as special educational needs disability. They have difficulty in learning and communication skills.

After the trust is gained, they direct the conversation towards sexual experiences by asking to share naked photos or videos. Some predators may set up a location to meet. These predators eventually manipulate, blackmail, and control the child. Also known as sextortion, instead of money, they demand more photos or videos. An article on THORN.org, predators use photos and videos as leverage. If the child does not comply, they threaten to share it family and friends thus creating shame and isolation in children. As a result, the child begins to isolate themselves from friends and family. It is important to remember that online groomers are not always strangers. They could be family friends or someone they have met at a social gathering, and they use online to build rapport.

The National Center for Educational Statistics found children spend 50% more on-screen time due to the pandemic and school closures.

Along with an increase of time being spent online, Children are also participating in sexting.

THORN’s article states that self-generated child sexual abuse material (SG-CSAM), is rapidly growing to exploit children. A consensual or coercive naked photo taken by the child is sent to a known individual known as “sexting” or “sharing nudes.” In the future, these photos can be used by offenders to groom other children. Sexting gives the predator control over photos/videos sent. The predator may share those photos with other people or use it to blackmail the victim. According to the study, adolescents think sharing nudes is a form of sexual exploration and flirting. About 40%, 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 10 boys, find it normal to share nudes.

The most popular image/video sharing platforms are Instagram (56%) and Snapchat (55%). On Snapchat, 70% have shared their photos, and 69% have seen others. And 54% have shared other’s photos. On Instagram, 66% share, and 67% seen others. Online predators groom a child by making an emotional connection. Afterward, they begin sexual conversations, and it leads to sexting which is sending naked photos.

How can we spot online grooming?

With children being online more it can be difficult to know what is happening in the virtual world. These red flags may not mean that a child is experiencing online grooming however they could be indicators to check in and have a conversation. According to the article, Grooming: What parent should know and what schools should do if they suspect it. The typical red flags for parents to pay attention to:

• Wanting to spend more time on the internet

• Being secretive about who they are talking to online, and websites visited.

• Switching screens

• Noticing new items that have not been given by you, a friend, or a family member

• Using sexual language that is not age-appropriate

• Expressing hostile or volatile behavior

How can we protect children from online grooming?

Parents/caregivers need to teach children about online predators. Starting the conversation at a young age leaves the children equipped to feel safe to talk to someone if situation as such arises. Children at an early age need guidance on body boundaries and consent to prevent falling for the predators’ devious tricks of sharing nude photos. It is essential for parents, caregivers, and teachers to begin a conversation to prevent future harm. A great resource by Michigan State University called, “Preventing Grooming by Child Sexual Predators,” provides great information on opportunities to speak with children about predators. For example:

1. Talk About Secrets
2. Keeping secrets can be harmful. A responsible adult will not ask a child to keep a secret for their parents. Children must know that they will not get in trouble if they tell you a conversation they had with another adult and they asked the child to keep a secret. Children should know that parents/caregivers will support them no matter what.
3. Listen, Listen, and Listen Some More
4. Listen carefully to the child. It shows that you love, value, and respect them. Communicate by giving them your full attention. Listen without judgment. Children are likely to share more information if they know they will not be judged, disrespected or punished.
5. Teach Children to be Assertive
6. Respectfully encourage children to voice their opinions about likes and dislikes; this will help them stand up for themselves and feel empowered. Children may not feel empowered when an adult puts them in an unsafe situation. Children need to know that it is ok to say “NO” to adults. The word “NO” is a complete sentence and puts a boundary in place.
7. Teach Children consent
8. Consent is giving someone permission to do a certain activity or for something to happen. Such as, when you go to the doctor, you give consent for the doctor to perform a certain procedure. Also, in relationships each individual has to give or deny consent. Consent is freely given; it should be clear and specific. A person has the right to deny consent or change their mind if the situation seems unsafe.
9. Consent can be modeled at home by asking your children to touch, hug, or kiss them, and respecting their wishes if they say, “no.” This teaches children personal boundaries.
10. Talk About Consent and Relationships
11. Talk to children at an early age about consent and respect in romantic relationships. Talking to them openly encourages them to come talk to you when they are concerned or confused when something happens to them, and they feel unsure.

The goal is to keep children safe and to be actively involved. The key is to be vigilant and prepared to protect children and help them build skill necessary that will help keep them safe from in person and online predator. More great tips on: https://www.canr.msu.edu/creating-safe-environments/uploads/files/Final%20-%20Preventing%20Grooming.pdf

Unfortunately, just like with any risk reduction we cannot make sure children are and will be safe 100% of the time. However, early conversations, support, and trust can prevent online grooming and if something does happen, children will know who to reach out for help.

Resources:

TO REPORT CHILD PORNOGRAPHY, OBSCENITY, OR TO REPORT A CYBERCRIME: www.cybertipline.com
Or call: 1-800-THE-LOST (provided by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children). The congressionally mandated CyberTipline is a reporting mechanism for cases of child sexual exploitation including child pornography, online enticement of children for sex acts, molestation of children outside the family, sex tourism of children, child victims of prostitution, and unsolicited obscene material sent to a child. Reports may be made 24 hours per day, 7 days per week.

Online Resource:

Darkness to light

Missingkids.org

Stopsextortion.com tips and resources to protect yourself and loved ones before it starts.

Riverbridgerc.org:

In these 10 episodes Meghan Hurley Backofen provides caregivers with 10 Tips for Sexual Abuse Prevention. She discusses much of the misinformation caregivers have that put children at greater risk for sexual abuse trauma. She also identifies what children need to know to be a “least likely” victim. This class is based on her work with sexual abuse survivors and extensive knowledge of sexual abuse victimization. Caregivers will feel empowered after learning specific strategies in how to talk with children about this difficult topic and how to respond if sexual abuse is suspected. This podcast is an excellent resource for parents who want to share Meghan’s book “Who’s the Boss of this Body” with their child.

Podcast:

On audible

What grooming looks like and how to cope afterwards by Emma Cantrell

[The respect room] Preventing Sexual Grooming Part 1

BBC Radio: File on 4: Online Grooming

Books for parents:

Mia’s Secret: story of a young girl groomed by her mom’s friend

MOSAC: Book What do I do now? MOSAC published a comprehensive guide for mothers of sexually abused children. It is an important resource for professionals to offer to moms and family members of sexually abused children. Amazon link below. Also available at Apple and book source.

Shefali Tsabary: renown parent expert and author. “The conscious parent”

Speaker: Resurrection Graves is child sexual abuse expert.

She is available for radio, T. v. and speaking engagements at

Resurrection.wordpress@yahoo.com or 202-717-7377

Written by: Chelsea Mandes, VSC’s Victim Advocate Intern

Sexual assault is a hot topic these days: from the multiple alleged campus sexual assaults in the media, to allegations of rape against beloved celebrities and athletes alike, it seems that one cannot go one day without a new allegation of sexual misconduct levied against a man. When we know that 1 in 4 women will experience unwanted sexual contact in their lifetimes, it’s not surprising that our headlines usually consist of such stories. However, what needs to be addressed is the fact that it is not just women who are victims of sexual violence. Anyone can be a victim of sexual violence, including a man of any sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, ethnicity, race, religion and ability.

The National Violence Against Women Survey, published in 2006 by the U.S. Department of Justice and the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, produced results that show men report sexual victimization at rates far less than that of women; 17.7 million women responded in the survey as having been raped at some point in their lifetime, compared to 2.8 million men. According to research conducted in 2005, the average age of an adult male sexual victim is 24.

Because of this discrepancy in the appearance of the majority of sexual assault victims identifying as female, victim services have been presented, oftentimes unintentionally, as exclusively for women. This seems to have permeated the mindset of our culture to somehow reinforce that idea that if sexual victimization services aren’t offered for men, then surely men must not need them.

This, however, is not the case. Here at Victim Service Center we served a total of 1,891 male clients, and all of our services are available to men and women alike. Victims of sexual assault, whether the victimization occurred 48 hours ago or 48 years ago are welcome to contact us to see which of our many services, including but not limited to crisis counseling, therapy, court accompaniment, criminal justice education, case management, may be right for you. Historically, VSC’s male client population typically utilized our non-acute services, but we would like all victims of sexual assault regardless of gender or sexual orientation to know our acute services such as the 24/7 confidential sexual assault hotline are here for all victims to receive the care they deserve as human beings.