“Being a survivor is about learning to cope. I am a survivor because I am still here. It is hard to be a survivor. I put so much effort into it and people. You need to have some sort of passion in life. I have a passion to live.”  ~ Ally, a survivor

As described on ecpact.org, Ally was sexually exploited by a man she met online in Canada. At that time, she was struggling with family issues and her identity. Like many teenagers, she looked for support and attention online. She met a man online that gave her the attention she craved. Eventually, they met in person, and he sexually assaulted her. He blackmailed her to keep her silence. The shame of the secret led to depression which led her to abuse drugs.  Ally is just one instance of online grooming. Ecpat.org

What is grooming?

Grooming is an intentional act of an adult to befriend a child, establish an emotional connection and find a child’s insecurities. The perpetrator uses grooming tactics such as attention, validation, unconditional regard to build a child’s trust and create opportunities to perpetrate abuse. Predators have weaved their way into the online universe by contacting children through video game chats as another child or a respectable adult. They offer support and validation that is missing in that child’s life.

According to Childnet.com, online grooming consists of social media, video games, and private chats. Predators use fake accounts, names, and photos to befriend the child. They appear as another child, modeling agent, a scout, sports coach, or famous influencer that pretend to have the same interests to build trust and establish a friendship. Online predators are indifferent to race, ethnicity, or gender- any child is in danger. Some children may be more susceptible due to other vulnerabilities such as special educational needs disability. They have difficulty in learning and communication skills.

After the trust is gained, they direct the conversation towards sexual experiences by asking to share naked photos or videos. Some predators may set up a location to meet. These predators eventually manipulate, blackmail, and control the child. Also known as sextortion, instead of money, they demand more photos or videos. An article on THORN.org, predators use photos and videos as leverage. If the child does not comply, they threaten to share it family and friends thus creating shame and isolation in children. As a result, the child begins to isolate themselves from friends and family. It is important to remember that online groomers are not always strangers. They could be family friends or someone they have met at a social gathering, and they use online to build rapport.

The National Center for Educational Statistics found children spend 50% more on-screen time due to the pandemic and school closures.

Along with an increase of time being spent online, Children are also participating in sexting.

THORN’s article states that self-generated child sexual abuse material (SG-CSAM), is rapidly growing to exploit children. A consensual or coercive naked photo taken by the child is sent to a known individual known as “sexting” or “sharing nudes.” In the future, these photos can be used by offenders to groom other children. Sexting gives the predator control over photos/videos sent. The predator may share those photos with other people or use it to blackmail the victim. According to the study, adolescents think sharing nudes is a form of sexual exploration and flirting. About 40%, 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 10 boys, find it normal to share nudes.

The most popular image/video sharing platforms are Instagram (56%) and Snapchat (55%). On Snapchat, 70% have shared their photos, and 69% have seen others. And 54% have shared other’s photos. On Instagram, 66% share, and 67% seen others. Online predators groom a child by making an emotional connection. Afterward, they begin sexual conversations, and it leads to sexting which is sending naked photos.

How can we spot online grooming?

With children being online more it can be difficult to know what is happening in the virtual world. These red flags may not mean that a child is experiencing online grooming however they could be indicators to check in and have a conversation. According to the article, Grooming: What parent should know and what schools should do if they suspect it. The typical red flags for parents to pay attention to:

• Wanting to spend more time on the internet

• Being secretive about who they are talking to online, and websites visited.

• Switching screens

• Noticing new items that have not been given by you, a friend, or a family member

• Using sexual language that is not age-appropriate

• Expressing hostile or volatile behavior

How can we protect children from online grooming?

Parents/caregivers need to teach children about online predators. Starting the conversation at a young age leaves the children equipped to feel safe to talk to someone if situation as such arises. Children at an early age need guidance on body boundaries and consent to prevent falling for the predators’ devious tricks of sharing nude photos. It is essential for parents, caregivers, and teachers to begin a conversation to prevent future harm. A great resource by Michigan State University called, “Preventing Grooming by Child Sexual Predators,” provides great information on opportunities to speak with children about predators. For example:

1. Talk About Secrets
2. Keeping secrets can be harmful. A responsible adult will not ask a child to keep a secret for their parents. Children must know that they will not get in trouble if they tell you a conversation they had with another adult and they asked the child to keep a secret. Children should know that parents/caregivers will support them no matter what.
3. Listen, Listen, and Listen Some More
4. Listen carefully to the child. It shows that you love, value, and respect them. Communicate by giving them your full attention. Listen without judgment. Children are likely to share more information if they know they will not be judged, disrespected or punished.
5. Teach Children to be Assertive
6. Respectfully encourage children to voice their opinions about likes and dislikes; this will help them stand up for themselves and feel empowered. Children may not feel empowered when an adult puts them in an unsafe situation. Children need to know that it is ok to say “NO” to adults. The word “NO” is a complete sentence and puts a boundary in place.
7. Teach Children consent
8. Consent is giving someone permission to do a certain activity or for something to happen. Such as, when you go to the doctor, you give consent for the doctor to perform a certain procedure. Also, in relationships each individual has to give or deny consent. Consent is freely given; it should be clear and specific. A person has the right to deny consent or change their mind if the situation seems unsafe.
9. Consent can be modeled at home by asking your children to touch, hug, or kiss them, and respecting their wishes if they say, “no.” This teaches children personal boundaries.
10. Talk About Consent and Relationships
11. Talk to children at an early age about consent and respect in romantic relationships. Talking to them openly encourages them to come talk to you when they are concerned or confused when something happens to them, and they feel unsure.

The goal is to keep children safe and to be actively involved. The key is to be vigilant and prepared to protect children and help them build skill necessary that will help keep them safe from in person and online predator. More great tips on: https://www.canr.msu.edu/creating-safe-environments/uploads/files/Final%20-%20Preventing%20Grooming.pdf

Unfortunately, just like with any risk reduction we cannot make sure children are and will be safe 100% of the time. However, early conversations, support, and trust can prevent online grooming and if something does happen, children will know who to reach out for help.

Resources:

TO REPORT CHILD PORNOGRAPHY, OBSCENITY, OR TO REPORT A CYBERCRIME: www.cybertipline.com
Or call: 1-800-THE-LOST (provided by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children). The congressionally mandated CyberTipline is a reporting mechanism for cases of child sexual exploitation including child pornography, online enticement of children for sex acts, molestation of children outside the family, sex tourism of children, child victims of prostitution, and unsolicited obscene material sent to a child. Reports may be made 24 hours per day, 7 days per week.

Online Resource:

Darkness to light

Missingkids.org

Stopsextortion.com tips and resources to protect yourself and loved ones before it starts.

Riverbridgerc.org:

In these 10 episodes Meghan Hurley Backofen provides caregivers with 10 Tips for Sexual Abuse Prevention. She discusses much of the misinformation caregivers have that put children at greater risk for sexual abuse trauma. She also identifies what children need to know to be a “least likely” victim. This class is based on her work with sexual abuse survivors and extensive knowledge of sexual abuse victimization. Caregivers will feel empowered after learning specific strategies in how to talk with children about this difficult topic and how to respond if sexual abuse is suspected. This podcast is an excellent resource for parents who want to share Meghan’s book “Who’s the Boss of this Body” with their child.

Podcast:

On audible

What grooming looks like and how to cope afterwards by Emma Cantrell

[The respect room] Preventing Sexual Grooming Part 1

BBC Radio: File on 4: Online Grooming

Books for parents:

Mia’s Secret: story of a young girl groomed by her mom’s friend

MOSAC: Book What do I do now? MOSAC published a comprehensive guide for mothers of sexually abused children. It is an important resource for professionals to offer to moms and family members of sexually abused children. Amazon link below. Also available at Apple and book source.

Shefali Tsabary: renown parent expert and author. “The conscious parent”

Speaker: Resurrection Graves is child sexual abuse expert.

She is available for radio, T. v. and speaking engagements at

Resurrection.wordpress@yahoo.com or 202-717-7377

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUVtdMqXB3w&t=244s

11 years ago, a stranger broke into my home. After sexually assaulting me at gunpoint, he took me to an ATM where he robbed me of every penny I had. It was the scariest, and most traumatizing, thing I have ever experienced.

As someone who has experienced the court process firsthand, I can tell you a victim’s suffering does not end with the attack. Rather, it continues as we navigate a complicated system which works for the criminal, but not the victim.

I’ve been a supporter of Amendment 6, Marsy’s Law for Florida, since it was first introduced because I believe victims and their families should have the same exact rights and protections as those accused or convicted of a crime.

I believe these rights and protections should exist in the state’s most powerful legal document so there is no question as to what rights victims are entitled to and whether or not they are enforced.

What is in the constitution right now is not enough –

• It is ambiguous and leaves too much up for interpretation.
• Statutes can easily be changed from one legislative session to another.
• The accused have specific protections outlined in the U.S. Constitution, crime victims only receive a single vague sentence in our state constitution with no real means of enforcement.

Amendment 6 presents an opportunity to strengthen these laws, by:

• Ensuring crime victims, or their families in the event of a tragic loss of life, are afforded similar constitutional protections to the accused.
• The rights of the accused would not change or weaken, however, the two parties will finally be considered equal in the eyes of the law.

This means everything to crime victims. We deserve to be seen as those with real emotions who went through a painful ordeal we did not ask for, rather than simply evidence in the case.

My story would have been different had Marsy’s Law been in place.

By acting as his own counsel, my attacker was afforded access to all of my personal information as well as those of my witnesses. He not only stole my identity but made harassing phone calls to me and my witnesses from jail, in the attempts of scaring us out of testifying against him. There was nothing anyone could do – the state attorney and sheriff’s departments’ hands were tied. As wonderful as they were in handling my case, they were only as strong as the law allowed them to be and that meant his right to identify his accuser trumped my right to privacy and to be free from intimidation.

Marsy’s Law would also provide crime victims with a voice, which is something I wish I had in the court process. After all, I certainly didn’t have a say in being attacked, so shouldn’t I at least have one in deciding what happens?

My attacker was originally given four consecutive life sentences given the violent nature of his crime. Recently, though, his sentence was reduced to just 50 years, and he will now be eligible for parole one day.

I was not notified when he was appealing to the Supreme Court. I was not asked if scheduling the re-sentencing hearing on my birthday was a convenient day for me. And my input was not taken into consideration at the hearing, even though the court’s decision directly impacted my safety and the safety of others.

Crime victims all across the state have similar stories. All we are asking for are the same rights given to criminals, nothing more and nothing less.

Crime victims deserve to be protected under our state’s most powerful legal document, just as a person accused of a crime does. Amendment 6 would provide Florida crime victims with many fair, common-sense protections, but there are a few things this law would NOT do.

This law does not guarantee outcomes. It does not interfere with prosecutorial discretion. It does not add a burden to the system. And, it does not infringe upon the numerous protections afforded to those accused or convicted of a crime.

What my attacker did to me was horrific, but I certainly do not believe my rights should outweigh his.

All I want is to be viewed as an equal party, to know that I have a voice, and that my voice matters.

I implore you to remember my story and stand up for past, present, and future crime victims when you go to vote this election season.

Imagine sitting in the crowded waiting room of the local hospital’s Emergency Department .  Around the room you see children with fever or crying of pain, others with lacerations needing to be sutured, 

You, however, are there because you have been sexually assaulted.  You may not have any outwardly visible trauma as you wait for an exam which will take a long time to complete, so others are taken for treatment before you.   

This was the case in the Emergency Department where I worked in the late 80‘s – early 90‘s when I first became interested in Forensics and the specialty of Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners.  The Emergency Department physicians and nurses accompanying them were reluctant to begin an exam which they knew would be very time-consuming, often taking them away from other patients for more than an hour, and because they did not do sexual assault exams that often,they were unfamiliar with the process.  Having to testify in court was another issue. 

 We  know that the physical trauma and the mental trauma can be devastating to a victim of sexual assault so these patients need compassionate care in a timely manner not only for their well being but also for effective evidence collection. Enter the Specialty of the Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner.  The SANE is there for one patient; the victim of the assault.  The SANE is an RN with advanced training in sexual assault, evidence collection, packaging, and maintaing the chain of evidence.  Additionally there is a Board Certification that is administered by the International Association of Forensic Nursing that validates, through extensive testing, the knowledge and proficiency of the nurse examiner and designates the nurse as a SANE-A ; an experienced nurse in the examination of adults and adolescents. 

The SANE together with the Victim Advocate in a secure location with the equipment and supplies needed, are able to  provide the patient the confidential,  compassionate, timely exam in a quiet, comforting environment. Although this is only the beginning of a long road of healing for the victim, the SANE strives to ease the fear and anxiety in the initial medical and physical exam phase of this process to help give control back to the patient. 

I am proud to be a Forensic nurse; a SANE-A. 

Judy Bednar, RN, MSN, SANE-A

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) report of 2013, indicated 108,030 domestic violence incidents were reported in Florida. Additional data suggests, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime. Furthermore, when considering SV and DV victimization, between 14% and 25% of women are sexually assaulted by intimate partners during their relationship. (NCADV, 2015)

According to the Florida Department of Law Enforcement (FDLE) Statistics, specifically the report for Osceola County; in 2017, there was an incident rate of 1,941 Domestic Violence cases and an approximate of 144 Sexual Assault related offenses. (FDLE, 2017)

Due to the reported incidents and recurrent concern from community leaders, agencies and individuals, VSC partnered with a group of professionals to provide information related on DV and SV awareness. Most recently, in 2017, a group of Hispanics including Puerto Ricans were impacted by a natural disaster that influenced the need of seeking shelter in the state of Florida. As a result, numerous individuals including men, women, elderly and children have been temporarily residing in local hotels. Some community concerns have developed including: financial hardship, homelessness, fatal and non-fatal cases related to domestic violence, and other crimes. Ultimately, distressing the functionality and mental health of the Puerto Rican families.

One of the most significant points discussed was the importance of Roles and Ethical implications when witnessing a crime or supporting a survivor. VSC Advocates informed community leaders on the various responders that can assist in the event of a crime or crisis including: Law Enforcement, Victim Advocates, Crisis Counselors, Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner (SANE), EMT’s, Fire Fighters and other agencies that may support further needs of victims. As social science professionals, is imperative to highlight the roles of specialized teams and community leaders. Thus, an open communication was developed in the importance to understand limitations and strengths, displayed by individuals, in the event of working a crisis. Some guidelines were exposed such as: trauma focused professional intervention, ethical code for social science practice, mandatory reporting, vicarious disorder, secondary victimization and awareness of community resources.

VSC Advocates offered the following information and strategies:

• Definition: What is a Crisis?
• Learning how to identify indicators present in crisis situation.
• CRISIS Intervention strategies: assessment of a situation, things to consider when approaching a victim-survivor, Proactive verbal intervention towards a victim (tone, volume, and language) and body language awareness.
• Physical and Emotional Common Reactions to Victimization
• Victimization in a different culture
• Empowerment skills: Appropriate approach to be conducted in a crisis situation (verbal phrases, validation of emotions and victim emotional regulation to assess needs. In the effort to empower a victim-survivor.
• Safety tips and planning (injunction process & reporting to LE)
• Types of Victims, Victims’ rights, and Mandatory Reporting
• Community Resources: Response from Agencies when working with DV & SV incidents, Information and contacts of services in the event of a crisis.
• Role & Ethical implications

 If you or a loved one is experiencing consequences associated with being a Victim of a Crime, reach out to Victim Service Center through our 24/7 Crisis Helpline (407) 500 – HEAL. You can also reach the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673) or through their online chat.

At VSC we care for Victims, contact us, we would love to be part of your healing process!

ROSA M. ABRAHAM, MS | Victim Advocate & Crisis Counselor

References:

Domestic Violence national statistics (2015). Retrieved from www.ncadv.org

Florida Department of Law Enforcement. Florida Uniform Crime Report (2017) Retrieved from www.fdle.state.fl.us

In 1996, the Board of County Commissioners agreed that a portion of the jails’ proceeds needed to be allocated to recovery services for crime survivors in the community and decided to allocate the funding from payphones in the jail to create a support agency. Commissioner Mary Johnson helped lead the charge for victims’ rights and the need for community services. By 1999 the Victim Service Center had opened its doors in the heart of downtown Orlando and was ready to help victims on their journey to healing.

In 2001, the Victim Service Center was incorporated as a nonprofit organization and became Victim Service Center of Orange County, Inc. That same year we opened the Sexual Assault Treatment Center (SATC), providing forensic examinations and medical intervention to sexual assault survivors. VSC ultimately became the only certified rape crisis program in Orange County through the Florida Council Against Sexual Violence (FCASV) just four years later in 2005.

2012 was a big year for for VSC; we became the Victim Service Center of Central Florida, Inc., moved to our current home on Michigan Street, and expanded to Osceola County offering all of our same services out of the Care Center. We also expanded our client offerings to include a full-time in-house therapy program to help clients dive deeper into their healing.

In the summer of 2014, VSC developed partnerships with the local detention centers in Orange and Osceola County to provide inmates with access to VSC’s sexual assault helpline directly. This effort assisted the detention centers in meeting the Prison Rape elimination Act requirements and allowed inmates who have experienced sexual assault while in detention the opportunity to speak with experienced Victim Advocates trained in the area of sexual violence and crisis intervention. In January 2015, VSC was contracted to provide in-person Sexual Trauma Services at the Orange County Detention Center. Services include Education and Awareness groups as well as individual and group Therapy aimed to assist female inmates with addressing emotional issues resulting from sexual trauma.  The program offers the opportunity for the participants to identify and replace dysfunctional coping patterns with appropriate coping skills, which is essential for long-term change and recovery to occur.

In 2016, we proudly expanded with a third office in Longwood to serve Seminole County, further extending our reach and providing services to more victims in need.

In order to keep up with our growth we actively began  fundraising to enhance our opportunities as a center with our first event at the Orlando Science Center in 2007 and later moved to the Mennello Museum of Art where we officially launched our signature event, Cheers to Change. [Some might remember our Executive Director, Lui, hanging signs off the edge of the museum.] Now five years later, Cheers to Change has grown into a highly anticipated 400+ person event, which is in large part due to our loyal and generous supporters who came out to make a difference in the lives of victims in our community.  Thank you for always making joining us at Cheers to Change a priority year after year.

Outreach and prevention has always been part of our work, but in 2015 we officially launched an education training program. We offer training’s on bullying as well as sexual harassment and assault to organizations and businesses. Our anti-bullying youth focused trainings cover the understanding that while it is never okay to bully another individual often times the bully is also being bullied. Our educators discuss how to stand up and be an active bystander for someone in these situations with direct, distract, and delegation options. Recently, we have been having a lot of conversation around our healthy relationship trainings, which can be adapted for any age where the conversation revolves around boundaries, trust, and consent.

With such a strong seventeen year history you might ask what could be next for VSC? While we have grown as an organization, there is still so much work to be done to help victims and spread the message of prevention. Nationally, according to RAINN, every 98 seconds another individual experiences sexual assault, and out of those, two out of three will go unreported. It is our responsibility as an organization, and as a community to help bring healing to those individuals by letting them know it is safe to seek help. With your help we can continue to bring healing to those who need it most.

I would say that before starting this treatment it is essential to have your mental health in control. In my case, it took a few months before I started the EMDR therapy since it was a priority to stabilize my depression.

EMDR was presented to me as the best alternative to approach my case. Before my therapist mentioned it, I had no idea what it was. After a quick search on the internet, I discovered that EMDR is a form of therapy that involves only the patient, his thoughts, and the therapist as a guide. My first thought was that maybe I would have to speak about the traumatizing experience openly, and that made me scared but that was not the case. Later on, I came to understand that it is more of an exercise of self-reflection. In the beginning, I was skeptical since I am very self-aware of my thoughts and I highly doubted that it would work for me.

The first therapy was an interesting experience but it made me feel like something was missing or that maybe I had done something wrong. I was incredibly alert of my thoughts as my therapist started on the first phase. It consisted of imagining three different things; first a container, something to retain your thoughts in the form of any physical object. Then, you have to imagine a safe place where you can mentally visit if you become overwhelmed; and lastly, a safe word in case you start feeling like you cannot handle the memory processing. Basically the therapist pitches a prompt and you have to envision the scenario as you listen to binaural music. When I finished my first session I felt a little concerned and afraid since I wasn’t able to feel what I was asked for, my brain wasn’t envisioning anything at all, just pitch black (because closing my eyes helped) and the sound of my thoughts.

By the time I got home, I realized the drive home was as important as the session itself as I had been able to finish ruminating on the memories. I started to think that maybe this was a result of the therapy but I was still unconvinced on the method after not being able to envision anything that I was prompted to imagine during the session. During the second EMDR session, things went a lot easier and I started to get the hang of it, the key was in letting go of the fear of judgment and insecurity. The best thing I did was be open with myself because, in reality, I was literally having a mental conversation with myself. The therapist gives you a prompt, you sit on it for a while, and then you report on how you feel. You can describe how you feel in any way you want, there is no specific way to express your thoughts. Once you become comfortable with the process is when your brain gets up to speed with the process until finally your thoughts are just come out like a stream. When you reach the comfort zone, there is no concern about doing anything wrong because you already know the ecosystem you have created and now you inhabit it within yourself, in your conscience.

As I progressed in the sessions I started unveiling the real reason why I was going to therapy. The more I recalled events, the more it made me afraid to come back to therapy. It is not an easy task to recall these memories, but trust me when I say that it is worth it to finish the treatment. I personally believe that it is healthier to cover a wound that has been opened because later on, it could get worse. The good thing about this therapy is that it is not going to get worse, it gets better and you actually start seeing the effects in each day that passes. In my case, by the third session, I was already noticing positive changes in my personal life, unconscious behavior, and thoughts.

I know that you are reading this from an outsider’s point of view of course. However, EMDR has proven to me that it is a very powerful healing device for traumatic experiences and I want to share my great experience with others. Most of the effects are developed by the subconscious and most of the results do not happen during the therapy. They happen later on when you are not focused on seeing the effects. The hardest part is the remembrance. Towards the end of the therapy, the perspective on the memories changed drastically for me. At the beginning of the treatment I felt like I was reliving the events and in some cases I had to visit the safe place I had established in the beginning. However, at the end of the treatment it felt like I was so distant from the memory that I could only describe it as seeing it on a screen that was far away from me, I felt disconnected from it. By that time my feelings, thoughts, and anxiety had been sorted. I felt the relief of the things that were controlling me subconsciously such as drastic humor changes, un-rational insecurities, fears, and most importantly the hidden sorrow that I dragged with me for so many years.

I am glad I concluded the process all the way through. I even waited some time to see if the effects would last or if it was something temporary. I can say with full satisfaction about this treatment that I would totally recommend giving EMDR a try. There are no implications, it is very simple and safe, there is no pressure to face remembrance since you work at your own pace, and most importantly it provides you with techniques that are applicable to all situations in life. This way of processing memories changed my life, and there is no exaggeration to what I just said, it did change me for good. It was truly beneficial to me and I am pretty sure that the first step to getting into it is all about encouragement. Trust me there is nothing to lose, from the moment you begin, things only get better. Even if you decide to stop because it does not convince you. However, go all the way through with the processing and you will get yourself an incredible life-changing experience.

We have the opportunity to continue the dialogue and discuss ways we can create social change. Sexual violence is an epidemic and is a victimization experienced by all ages, genders, ethnicities, and socioeconomic groups. The damage is deep and the pain that results is incredibly real. Whether you vow to be an active bystander, reflect on how you treat others, or advocate for those who have suffered in silence, we ask you to use your voice and demand better treatment of others.

Many of you have shared #MeToo as your status. We applaud your bravery and stand with you. Whether or not you’ve shared your story on social media, please know we are here, around-the-clock, to help you as you go through your healing journey. Call 407-500-HEAL to reach our 24/7 confidential helpline.

When the worst tragedy occurred, you showed your steadfast support to aid those most in need. For that, we are eternally grateful.

Our team was shocked and saddened by the senseless act of the Pulse shooting which took 49 lives, injured countless others, and destroyed our great community’s sense of peace and safety. In the early morning hours of darkness, we came together in an inspiring, powerful way that showed the world true strength, unity, and compassion.

We received the call to respond to Orlando Regional Medical Center to provide crisis support to the victims and their families. “We were all shocked by what had happened but we knew we had the skills to help the survivors and the families of the deceased cope with their trauma and grief,” said Kristin, VSC’s first staff member to respond to the call. Upon learning the magnitude and severity of the tragedy, our entire crisis response team was quickly mobilized to be with the families as they awaited news on the status of their loved ones.

Our team worked side by side with the FBI, FDLE, and other law enforcement agencies as information was released to family members. “Our staff was uniquely qualified to respond to the tragedy and took on the significant responsibility of notifying families that their loved one did not survive the attack,” said JoEllen, VSC’s Program Director. We were able to provide support to the families not only through our counseling services, but also by arranging transportation and lodging, making funeral arrangements, and assisting with other needs. Your generous contributions allowed our team to be on the front lines helping families begin to put the broken pieces of their lives back together.

Many of the victims and their families were Spanish speaking, which created additional fear, not knowing if others would be able to understand them when they expressed their pain. “Being bilingual and Hispanic, I was able to console them and provide the emotional support they needed in their native language to offer comfort and strength,” said Indhira, one of the VSC’s bilingual crisis counselors.

In the weeks following the shooting, the Orlando United Assistance Center opened to help victims and their families navigate the system and receive long-term support. We now have a therapist and victim advocate stationed at the OUAC providing support to the victims and their loved ones. “Emotional healing from a trauma is a long and painful journey. We are here to provide compassionate, individualized services for the victims and their loved ones; to walk with them hand in hand to recover a sense of power over their lives,” said Lucy, VSC’s Pulse therapist.

Because of you, our team had the resources to respond to the worst mass shooting in our great country’s history. Because of you, we have been able to provide free, unlimited, and confidential services to Pulse victims and their families. Because of you, we will continue to serve anyone needing our services, for as long as they are needed.

“We couldn’t be more proud to stand together with you to help heal our amazing community,” said Lui Damiani, VSC’s Executive Director. Thank you for your
unwavering support.

With sincere gratitude,

The Victim Service Center Team

No one expects to receive a phone call like this… one that instantaneously turns your world completely upside down, chews it up, then spits it back out into a million pieces.  For the rest of my life I will be able to pinpoint the exact location on the planet from where I received such a call.  The human brain has an innate ability to burn a location into your memory forever when it is given information that is so devastating.

I’ll never forget the sound of her voice… “Something happened…” I tried to steady myself as the words came from the phone.  A myriad of emotions hit me simultaneously – a haze of disbelief bundling immense heartbreak, sympathy and anger.  What do you say at a moment like this?  I remember trying to say words of comfort and reassurance just to get to give her any kind of relief.  I didn’t want to hear the details only because visualizing such atrocious acts happening to someone so wonderful and dear would break me, but I had to hear everything.  Nothing prepares someone for a moment like this.  These things only happen to someone else, right?  We all see the news, with all of the terrible things devastating lives with those whom you are not engaged in.  It’s always someone else…. Why her?  Why now?

When something horrific happens to someone you love dearly, all you want to do is fix it and make everything go away – the horror, the fear, the disbelief, the chaos… I honestly didn’t know what to do, I acted purely on instinct, wanting nothing but to soothe the wonderful soul of my love.  Fortunately I wasn’t alone, I had the Orlando Police Department and the Victim Service Center there to help make sense of this nightmare and guide us with open and loving arms.  I will be thoroughly grateful for both of these entities as long as I stand on this Earth.

All of the focus belongs to the victim, it has to.  You forget about all of the trivial trials and tribulations that we have to endure daily, the only thing that matters is to help and do what you can to make anything better for them.  There is not just one victim, however – there is a vast array of those whose worlds are greatly impacted as well, even though they are much lower on the spectrum of receiving healing and support.  I suppose that my ramblings on this blog are directed towards those who hold the hand of the one they love throughout this entire ordeal.  The husband, the wife, the father, the mother, the brother/sister. etc.  You are not alone.  You deserve to share your experiences and grievances because you are going through this too.  The sleepless nights, the sadness, the anger not towards only the world around us but towards any deity that could allow this to happen, no matter what your faith may or may not be.  Honestly, I think one of the biggest struggles for me was the helplessness I felt that I wasn’t there to stop it.  What if I had stayed with her just a bit longer?  What if we went back to my house instead of her going home alone to be confronted with a monster?  What if I had gone with her?  Is it my fault that she left her apartment to meet me?  What could I have done differently?  I have spent countless hours asking myself countless questions about how I could have saved her from this. It is a harrowing feeling knowing that you can’t save someone from something that has already occurred, you are utterly helpless.

My heart goes out to anyone that is reading this that feels or has ever felt like I have.  You are not alone.  Hopefully we all have had the opportunity to talk to someone about this nightmare. Initially out of respect for my love, I only told a very few select close friends to share this with, at her insistence.  How do you even begin to share?  With whom could you possibly share this with? As helpful as it was to confide in two of my best friends, I really wish that I would have had someone to talk to that I could have related with, and I actually still do.  I want someone to be able to understand the level of my hatred towards the scumbag that hurt my love so badly.  I want to share with someone who has also had to look at the man in the eyes that did these terrible things.  The hatred has been so hard to deal with… I still have it and I think that I always will.  Because of this man, I have had such evil thoughts that I never thought that I could be so capable of having. Even though he will be in prison for the rest of his life (even if he lives to be 100 years old he will still be behind bars), sometimes it doesn’t feel like it is enough.  It’s never enough… I can’t even begin to relay how many horrific dreams I have had about being behind a closed door alone with him.

Fortunately there is support out there.  One thing that I find helpful in dealing with such vile hatred towards someone is the love that I have for her, to protect her and support her even after all of these years.  Another thing that puts my soul at ease is knowing that an incredible organization such as the Victim Service Center exists, and is here to help victims every step of the way.  I don’t know what we would have done without the VSC, but I needn’t worry because they are here, and they need to be here.  Not just for the victims themselves, but for people like me.

Forever Grateful,

David Sines

Rachel, David’s Wife, was a victim of a sexual assault and received VSC services following the assault. Rachel is currently an active volunteer, member of VSC’s Speakers Bureau, and  advocate for victims of sexual assault in our community.